The subtle public crotch scratch

April 7, 2008 at 07:14 3 comments

As with everything else in our world, scratching one’s crotch is an activity that holds a crazy gender based double standard.

It’s oh so acceptable, even if a little nauseating, for a man to reach down and scratch his sweaty itchy balls while doing most anything. standing in line at the bank, walking down the street, standing outside the pub with a smoke in one hand and their balls in another.

It baffles me for the most part, and often I find myself wondering if it’s about more than the itch. Could it be that scratching testicles gives the scratcher some kind of crazy super powers? Is it somehow Hallucinogenic? Does it release endorphins? Or is it that someone has convinced men everywhere that it releases an irresistible pheromone?

The ins and outs, motives and modes of male ball scratching are not, however, what I am writing about today. What I was thinking about is how unfair it is that Women are not afforded the same freedom to itch.

It doesn’t happen often, but on those hot sweaty days of summer, usually the days after a little grooming down south, the need to itch is unavoidable. My usual reaction is to excuse myself to the washroom where I can scratch without the disgusted looks of others.

I had thought I was the only one, but apparently this is a problem that many women have dealt with. and so, while walking through the mall, a friend of mine and I started making a list of ways to subtly scratch your crotch in public in the hopes that it would bring a little comfort to women, if not entirely address the double standard issue.

1) the pocket scratch – works best when wearing a long coat, or baggy pants, and involves scratching your itch through your jacket or pants under the guise of searching for pocket change, or warming your hands.

2) Look a rocket! – basically this approach takes the art of misdirection from the magicians and applies it to our current problem. This approach is probably more for those who don’t care about the strangers around them, but don’t want the person they’re speaking with to see. . . basically all you need to do is call your company’s attention to something in the other direction for however long it takes you to quietly deal with your problem. some examples include: “check out that guys funny hat.”, “Hey isn’t that so and so from popular reality show? oh well, it looks like him.”, and “look that way for a second while I scratch my crotch.”

3) the sit and wiggle – If you are sitting, either in a restaurant, at your desk, or even at the bus stop, or dare i say, on the bus, a little clever wiggling can be enough to quell the desire to scratch until a more appropriate time. to avoid making yourself look twitchy, you can incorporate the wiggling into other movements, like an extra shift or shimmy while moving your chair closer to the table, or a little more twist than really necessary when you turn to look behind you.

4) the crouch scratch – This is best for long uncomfortable shopping strips. By covering the scratch behind a low crouch or bend to ‘get a closer look’ at the items on lower shelves, it is easy to relieve yourself without drawing any attention to what you’re doing.

5) the Fuck you scratch – Just do it! for all intent and purposes this really should not be on a list entitled ‘subtle crotch scratching techniques’ But this one’s for all women out there who are fed up with the double-standards of their gender. . . no matter how questionable the hygiene of it, If they can do it, so can we, scratch a be free sisters.

Advertisements

Entry filed under: Crotch scratching, fucked up feminism.

Fidel’s a chick! pocketbuddha and knuckle toes’ grand adventure of epic proportions

3 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Knuckle Toes  |  April 7, 2008 at 23:08

    I am in the process of writing you the funniest comic to come from my artistic genius in quite some time. “Crotch Touching 101”

    Reply
  • 2. Knuckle Toes  |  April 8, 2008 at 02:01

    Also, never forget about the “hide behind an object and giver’ beans” scratch. Pillars, desks, couches, display cases and friends all make great view-blockers

    Reply
  • 3. dk  |  April 10, 2008 at 03:09

    and skirts, especiaslly full ones like knuckletoes was wearing yesterday, then when you sit down at a table, whatever the access is there. You just need to practice scratching only with finger movements and keep the wrist elbow steady.Personally, I don’t care if people scratch outside the clothes, it’s the thought that they might touch me after scratching inside their clothes. Blleeecchh!!!!

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Trackback this post  |  Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed


What is a Pocket Buddha?

The pocket Buddha is a talisman, whether the pocket is in our mind or our jeans, the pocket Buddha is there to add a touch of Zen to our lives. He smiles from his dark penny and used tissue filled abode and reminds us simultaneously to go with the flow of our lives and to keep our goals, hopes and dreams ahead of us. At least one moment everyday, the satisfaction of a project completed, the taste of a meal we managed to make without burning, the extraordinary patience we somehow managed to show in the most frustrating of times, the pocket Buddha throws us a pocket-lint sized piece of nirvana, and for that I am very grateful.

Pocket Buddha On Twitter!

  • That awkward moment when: your flawless take down of that misogynist troll is deleted by the jerk wad before anyone can witness your victory 1 year ago
  • Of all the crazy unbelievable things in this movie, the fact that he got all those groceries for $19.83 is the craziest. #HomeAlone 1 year ago
  • My voice has been shaky all week. Finally lost it. Watching jousting was the final nail in that… instagram.com/p/-pmMHcSa-K/ 1 year ago
  • "I walkin' in da snow." ... He's less than enthused about it for some reason. His brother is so… instagram.com/p/-j7LOqya6X/ 1 year ago
Change.org|Start Petition

Lilypie Breastfeeding tickers

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 3 other followers

You can find more of me at:

CONNECTED MOM Natural Baby Pros Visit Natural Parents Network

I received the:



Art by Erika Hastings at http://mudspice.wordpress.com/



BlogWithIntegrity.com Proud member of Mom Blog Network <a href="http://bit.ly/8YMUoMm" target="_blank"CONNECTED MOM

Have you heard about…?

SponsoredTweets referral badge Search & Win

Disclaimer

This website is written and maintained for entertainment purposes only. Any advice or opinions expressed here are not intended to be taken in the stead of professional advice, and do not represent the opinions of Pocket.Buddha's employers, family, or friends unless otherwise noted.

%d bloggers like this: