Archive for June, 2009

GIST #18 of 365

1) The stranger in the mall who told me I look pretty. . . . Even though I do maintain that I look like a giant swollen preggo hell’s beast.

2) The sun dress my parents brought back from Mexico last winter that I forgot I had until today and is roomy enough to accommodate both myself and the baby.

3) Dad Piper’s sexy bits. . . And the rest of him too I guess. . . But especially the sexy bits.

4) spicy chili popcorn.

5) Jurassic Park showing for free in the park tonight. . . I get the feeling the walk back to the car is going to be a spooky one for me. . . Because I am a giant baby who jumps at shadows.


June 30, 2009 at 04:40 Leave a comment

My SECOND Inappropriate Public Attire Story This Month.

Das Piper: I am bored, wanna go for a drive? Maybe get some ice cream?

Pocketbuddha: Ok, But I am not changing.

We drive up and down one of the two main streets, through all of the construction and other such nonsense, enjoying the cool wind of the car’s air conditioner, the giant milkshake (since when was a ‘large’ an entire freaking liter of milkshake?) numbing the palm of my hand.

Pocketbuddha: Are you sure you’re not embarrassed to be driving around with me wearing a too-short tunic dress with sweatpants and flip-flops like one of those Walmart sweat pant people?

Das Piper: Yep, and to prove it, we’re going to Walmart, I need blank CD’s.

Pocketbuddha: That’s nice, I am waiting in the car.

Das Piper: No your not. I am taking the keys in with me, you won’t have any air.

Pocketbuddha: I am not even wearing a bra! If I go in there looking like this we’ll definitely run into someone we know.

Das Piper: Everyone we know is out camping this weekend. . . and when was the last time we saw anyone we knew in this Walmart? It’s the south end.

Fine, we go in. . . I try not to fidget and keep telling myself that no one is staring at me. . . and that there are in fact no less than six other people in similarly unacceptable attire lurking the aisles. We get the blank CD’s, which took Das Piper eight million years to pick out just to spite me, we pay for them and . . . . oh thank god we can leave. . . And just as we’re stepping over the threshold, just when I have the safety of the car in my sightes I here someone say hello behind us.

I cringe and try to keep walking, praying to every Deity I could think of that the voice was talking to someone else. But Das Piper’s voice stopped me.

Das Piper: Oh Hey so and so!

I stopped, I turned, I saw my partner greeting an acquaintance of ours from the local pub with a smile and evil glint in his eye.

Pocketbuddha: I fucking told you so.

And even though the acquaintance in question is known more for his dirty cover-alls and questionable body odor than anything to do with fashion, I took the keys from Das Piper’s hand and walked as fast as I could to the car where I proceeded to pout.

Would it really have been so hard for me to change my clothes before leaving? I now have TWO pairs of perfectly comfortable maternity pants to wear. . . not to mention a number of nice cool skirts and dresses to choose from. . . I have absolutely no excuse!

June 29, 2009 at 22:20 1 comment

Micheal Jackson Is Dead

Really? . . . Are you sure? . . . Was a stake driven into his heart? Or a silver bullet of some kind used?

My theory. . . Somewhere in the fine print on those tickets for the 50 show tour he was supposedly going to do . . . There is a clause that fans cannot get their money back if the show is canceled due to the prince’s death. . . He’s not really dead, he’s just living on an island somewhere with a bunch of fresh money. That way he doesn’t have to remove the mask and show the world that, in fact, his entire face has fallen off.

Thank you MJ, for your contribution to music. I am sorry that you had to be so fucked up in the process that your more recent behaviour makes it hard for me to do anything but make jokes about your death. I really do wish that your career had brought you the same joy that it did thousands of others. If it had we could have avoided such heart breaking incidents as baby dangling and other varying degrees of inappropriate behaviour in regards to young children.

June 26, 2009 at 08:52 Leave a comment

GIST #17 of 365

1) Although the rest of the day was a grumpy one for both of us, the Teething Toddler and I took a 35 minute walk during which neither of us cried or sighed in frustration. . . Well, I walked, he lounged in his stroller and pointed at interesting things along the way.

2) I had yogurt and granola for lunch and it was DELICIOUS!

3) The teeny weeny owl hat I ordered for the baby from Madhelmeteer on Etsy should be here any day!

4) Also on their way; 25 prefold diapers that I only paid about 3$ a piece for. . . sweet deal!

5) Das Piper had a great first father’s day. . . and I enjoyed it too. . . There’s nothing like gorging yourself on three heaping buffet plates followed by a long nap and a baba cooked meal. . . I am pretty sure I gained 10 pounds yesterday.

June 23, 2009 at 01:54 Leave a comment

My Hump

In which the two ACTUALLY PREGNANT! stars of the upcoming movie ‘The Baby Formula‘ work their ‘lovely lady lumps’.

June 21, 2009 at 23:46 Leave a comment

Fun Stuff To Do In Regina This Weekend

I used to think that the vast amount of drinking and chain smoking I did was in direct correlation with the lack of anything better to do all summer.

Now that such activities would be counter productive to my current project, I have found that, in fact, I was just too lazy to look very far for anything better.

Bazaart is this Saturday. . . This annual fundraiser for the McKenzie art gallery is basically like esty fell off of the Internet and landed in the parking lot of the Tommy Douglas building. The money raised by your gate admission helps to ensure that the McKenzie art gallery remains a free admission gallery for the rest of the year. And the money you spend on the many arts, crafts, and buskers inside support local artisans!

Ska band, The Realdeal, plays this weekend at the Distrikt night club. . .where you can still drink and smoke your face off if you so choose, but just going for a little live music on a Saturday night is a pretty good time all on its own as well. (except last time when I threw up over the side of the upper level of the outdoor smoking section surrounded by drunk guys being all disgusted and shouting ‘dude! She’s so drunk!’. . . I was offended, I have never thrown up my alcohol thank you very much, it’s just that morning sickness doesn’t only happen in the morning.)

If free is the aim of your game, the Spray Pads located around the city are now open. It’s got the same refreshment power of an outdoor pool, only in sprinkler format. I personally like the one located Kinsmen south. . . Make sure to wear water shoes though, it’s grad season and the drunken not-so-high-school students think it’s funny to break their beer bottles around the park.

See! there you have it! plenty of fun stuff to do around this city that doesn’t have to do with chain smoking or drinking lots of beer. . . Although I really wouldn’t mind spending an afternoon on the pub patio. . . anyone interested in a game of scrabble this weekend? I am sure the wait staff aren’t sick of serving me water quite yet.

June 19, 2009 at 22:53 1 comment

GIST #16 of 365

1) Thunder storms.

2) Waking up feeling rested because I somehow managed to go from 10 pm to 6 pm without going to the bathroom.

3) The Tomato plants survived the hail.

4) Das Piper forgives my new found klutziness, even when it results in his injury.

5) Watching the baby shift from one side of my stomach to the other. . . Like an alien is going to bust out and a damp and sweaty Segourney Weaver is going to appear somewhere.

June 18, 2009 at 20:31 Leave a comment

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What is a Pocket Buddha?

The pocket Buddha is a talisman, whether the pocket is in our mind or our jeans, the pocket Buddha is there to add a touch of Zen to our lives. He smiles from his dark penny and used tissue filled abode and reminds us simultaneously to go with the flow of our lives and to keep our goals, hopes and dreams ahead of us. At least one moment everyday, the satisfaction of a project completed, the taste of a meal we managed to make without burning, the extraordinary patience we somehow managed to show in the most frustrating of times, the pocket Buddha throws us a pocket-lint sized piece of nirvana, and for that I am very grateful.

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